A Sweet Treat

I had a rough day. According to my menstrual cycle tracker and my ob/gyn, today should be the start date of my period. It hasn't come yet - but I feel all the symptoms, and then some.

I am experiencing some intense fatigue. I hesitate to tell people that I'm feeling fatigued anymore, because the common misconception is that I'm just tired. I'm not TIRED... I'm not hitting a mid-day slump. This is different and comes in many forms. Many people do associate fatigue with physical exhaustion, but fatigue can also show itself as depression or the inability to concentrate. In fact, a lack of energy can decrease your ability to function physically, mentally, or emotionally. But, yes, I do feel completely exhausted.

Next, the PMS party mix of symptoms: back pain, headache, breast tenderness, cramp-iness, bloating, and the lovely *blah* emotion - you know, that feeling when you wake up and think to yourself, what's the point? and then proceed to crawl back into a mental hole, hoping to stop life from happening there. I dreaded going to work - thinking that I couldn't face my teammates. I thought: Why bother, they don't even like me... they're so annoying... they won't understand... they're just going to be all positive and tell me to feel better... I can't sit through any meetings! Um, these are the same lovely people I invite over to my home, eat with, get drunk with, watch movies with, walk to taco trucks with, sing karaoke with, bare my soul to...! Obviously, I was afflicted with some serious blues. Although, that last part was true... I ditched every single one of my meetings today. It felt great.

All of the symptoms are so intense. That is also a curse of PCOS. In fact, sometimes women with PCOS are diagnosed with PMDD  - Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder - which is extended, and sometimes disabling, PMS. Which, of course, can be true, but if the diagnosis ends there without testing for PCOS, that woman can suffer forever and just blame it on the wrong disorder. When my hormones were regulated by birth control pills, I never had symptoms like this. The most would be some back pain with a headache... and sometimes light cramps. Every time I experience a non-hormone induced/regulated period - it's like the world is ending. And what's worse is that... I don't know what's not working right, but it will just drag on for days.

Aside from the PMS horror show, today marked a successful first week in The No Fun Food Life. With the exception of 1/2 cup of brown rice/millet/barley, 4 croutons, and 2 pieces of spiral pasta... I had refrained from indulging in sugars, carbs, and starches. It was no easy feat... but I am proud of myself.

Since I woke up feeling so extra crappy - I made a little pact with myself. If I could make it through the day and manage to not hunt down 15 brownies and inhale them all... I would treat myself. I stuck it out through the day, and went over to a hip little cafe after work. I ordered a large chamomile tea and 2 macarons: almond and raspberry. Oh boy, did I savor them. I took little bites and chewed very slowly. I think it took me ten minutes to consume the two tiny little delicate desserts. They tasted heavenly. *ahhhhhhhh*

I'm glad that I rewarded myself and, if anything, I feel like it has reinforced my dedication. I can indulge responsibly. And... I deserved it! Here's to another successful week! :)