The Future Is Here!

So, in the beginning of this baby begetting journey I felt daunted by the fact that it would be an uphill battle. However, I think all the over-thinking, over-analyzing, and over-preparation may have been in my favor. We were able to conceive our Little Bun roughly after 6 months of trying. That's like pretty normal actually... Yay!!!

The successful cycle happened immediately after I finished 3 rounds of Clomid, reduced Metformin dosage, and had been sticking to The No Fun Food Life for about 70% of my diet. I also had greatly increased my physical activity - pickleball, badminton, hiking, scale the strat, etc. - the month before it happened. All that cardio! So... yes, even women with PCOS can have babies with a good diet, moderate exercise, and dedicated doctors who are proactive. I still have to watch myself and try to keep up with the diet & exercise to prevent gestational diabetes... more work ahead!

I also had a little help from ALL of my preggo friends. I literally and very shamelessly asked to rub all their bellies for lucky baby vibes. These two lovely ladies even gave me a double belly-bump for good luck! Everyone kept telling me it will happen... and in the meantime I freaked out anyway. So, thanks for putting up with me! :)

I'm coming up to the end of my 1st trimester and so far the ride has been pretty smooth. I'm extremely tired, moody, have acid reflux, sore boobs, and randomly find myself starving throughout the day... but nothing that's been debilitating or excruciating. I took a 3-week leave of absence from work because of the recent company restructuring and mass exit by 14% of the company. It was stressful, frustrating, and depressing to go to work every day. My blood pressure had sky-rocketed at a checkup and during the first crucial weeks of the baby's life all the vital organs and essential foundation are under construction... so I decided to detach myself for a bit from the craziness of work. This week I went in for another check-up and blood pressure is 120/80... yeah!!

The one food that I extremely miss are deli sandwiches. I don't know if anyone knows this about me but I eat the Subway Club sandwich almost once a week! LOL - the one really nice morning guy that works at the Subway in my neighborhood knows my order! Apparently, deli meat has a pretty low probability of being contaminated with Listeria - a bacteria that can thrive even with refrigeration and is killed by cooking and pasteurization - but pregnant women have increased susceptibility. To come up with a remedy to this hankering... I made myself this 1 pound (yes, I weighed it!) open-faced sandwich. Sprouted grain bread, hummus, avocado, mozzarella, and tomato. It hit the spot! :)

The Kind Diet

I read a book by Alicia Silverstone called, The Kind Diet, years ago. It sparked this whole eating revolution within my own life... in fact, I only ate meat that was certified organic and humanely raised and handled for the entire year of 2010. I permanently made the switch from keeping milk in my fridge to almond & soy milk. I learned a lot about eating kindly for the earth and for my body. That book really changed the fundamental way I viewed the relationship between me, my food, and the planet.

Since then, she's come out with another book - The Kind Mama. I read the introductory chapters about the plant-based lifestyle research and benefits. And then I read the chapters on how it can increase fertility. I just love her holistic approach to everything and the complete picture on plant-based nutrition and the female body. So, in my renewed dedication to The No Food Fun Life, I am still going to aim for carb-free and sugar free... but I think I'm going to ease up a bit on the natural starchy veggies, fruits, and whole grains. It will probably make life a lot easier and more enjoyable.

In the beginning, it was easy to get swept up in the initial momentum and go all-out carb free, get on the meds, download apps, and just turn the whole experience into a regimen. I was on a mission and it was quite stressful. Now that it's been almost 6 months and the frantic excitement has died down... I want to keep up a healthy lifestyle filled with good nutrition and fitness, but less militantly.

So, here's the first meal I've made since deciding to embark on a kinder diet. I made my lunch for tomorrow... some Korean Hobak Jun (side dishes) of egg-battered fried tofu and zucchini. I also scrambled the leftover egg. I made a big batch of the Miso Soup recipe found in The Kind Mama. It was the first time I had cooked with Kabocha Squash... and it's a delicious little squash. Love it!

What else is changing? I've stopped taking Clomid, the nightmare hormone pill. Even though I only take it 5 days each cycle, I am positive that it continues to affect your body long after. I finally feel joyful and lighthearted again for the first time in months... since starting the medication! It was like running on a revved up hormone engine... I was strung super tight. I didn't even realize how miserable I've been feeling until I felt better. I'm hoping acupuncture can help regulate my ovulation issues instead.

I've also been working less hours. I think the Clomid affected me so much that I literally got talked to at work about my attitude and behavior... :/ I don't agree with everything that was brought up in that meeting, regardless of my emotional issues. But, I also don't excuse or justify anything either.. Suffice it to say, it was a get-it-together and back-to-reality moment... I think sometimes I forget some important lessons I learned from previous workplaces because I FEEL like I do valuable work and that I am among friends... I've put myself back into my government worker bee shoes and just started playing it a lot safer. I've also pulled back my hours at work as a self-preservation tactic. For the past few weeks I've averaged about 35-ish hours per week. So far, so good.

And I reduced my Metformin to 1/2 the dosage - which has done wonders for my eyes! LOL... Anyone remember that post? The side effect from the Metformin was doing really strange things to my eyes... my right eye was always red no matter what and my left eye couldn't stop watering all day. It got to a point where the skin at the corners of my left eye was red, raw & broken from the constant watering and me wiping the moisture away. I couldn't really put Neosporin on the corners... but you know what worked amazingly well? Honey! The skin healed up and got better... yay!

Well, that's about it. Everything else is pretty much the same. Something happened at work today that was cray-cray... but that's like a whole new topic that would be too complex and weird to write down. It certainly has been a super weird atmosphere... and it's not slowing down... But, I'm just going to not let it affect my state of mind. Anyway, I'm going to head to bed because I know my tomorrow is jam-packed. Gotta get that quality sleep... *Zzzzzzzzzz*

PS - After many complaints from my loyal readers about how difficult it is to leave comments with their phones... I finally figured out how to tweak the settings. So, now it should be easier? Give it a try and let me know if it has improved! :)

Peggy Bundy, Francois, & Whitney Thore

Will came home today with two new surprise additions for our salt water aquarium. A Six Line Wrasse who I've named Peggy Bundy - in honor of our previous wrasse, Marcy Darcy (rest in peace...) - and a Scarlet Skunk Cleaner Shrimp who I've named Francois. I think I've been conditioned by Finding Nemo to believe all cleaner shrimp are French, hehe.

After the unfortunate pop eye and ick epidemic of 2013... when Bean (maroon clown), Marcy Darcy (six line wrasse), and Benny the Blenny (scooter blenny) all perished in one summer, I didn't want to add any new fishies & critters. But now I'm ready and I'm happy they're here!

Francois immediately flitted all around the tank looking for food and my existing clown fish & blue tang - Pebbles and Dory - were checking him out all day. So cute! Peggy Bundy swam into a little whole in the live rock and hid there for a long time. Just keeping a suspicious eye out to keep track of all the commotion. So cute as well!

I love sitting next to my aquarium in the mornings to watch the fish swim around and the hermit crabs & snails slowly foraging about. It's so relaxing and therapeutic. Did you know there are a multitude of health benefits to keeping an aquarium in your home? It can significantly reduce stress levels and has even shown to be one of the most reliable ways of temporarily lowering your blood pressure. I'm lucky to get all the benefits and the fun of feeding them... while hubby does all the cleaning and maintenance. :)

Another thing that I found to be very therapeutic? Binge watching "My Big Fat Fabulous Life" on TLC. Whitney Thore became an internet sensation when her dance video went viral. She was a lifelong dancer who fell victim to PCOS in college...! She gained over 200 pounds within a decade and felt completely devastated and derailed. Her candidness, her courage, and her triumphant spirit brought me to tears so many times. I seriously, quite literally, watched the entire season in 24 hours. I couldn't peel my eyes away.

If I could ever meet her in person, I would like to thank her for giving a face and voice to PCOS. For so long it's been this weird syndrome that nobody talked about. Most women who had it couldn't even get properly diagnosed for it, and nobody knows anything about it... unless you have PCOS. Or know someone with it, like me, and then you're forced to listen to EVERYTHING about it. Haha, sorry folks!

One of the many things I can take away from her show is that she couldn't be so fabulous without the unending support of her family and friends. Just like me! Thank you everyone for all your support!!!! :)

 

#MyBigFatFabLife - Please come back for another season!

Slowly But Surely...

I had some small but noteworthy successes this past week in trying to get back on track for The No Fun Food Life. I attended a friend's birthday celebration last Sunday and made myself this awesome plate. Honey Baked Ham slices, steamed brussel sprouts, spaghetti squash, and just about a 1/4 cup dollop of stuffing. Oh, don't get me wrong, I went and got seconds (but not the stuffing, yay). But even though I ate a lot, I ate a lot of stuff I"m supposed to be eating. YAY. Then I had some birthday cake and a couple little pastries. BOO. I tried not to be too hard on myself since it was a special occasion.

I didn't work out at all this week, but I was having a hard time. It was Clomid week again, but this time I switched to taking it at night. So, I didn't have as many emotional outbursts and difficulties as last month, but I was super tired.

I did manage to keep my breakfasts very healthy with Greek Yogurt, blueberries, and even added some Kombucha on two mornings. I brought my own lunches on half the days and stuck to mostly protein & veggies for the rest. I splurged on Korean BBQ on Monday night, but kept the carbs to a minimum. And I had Japanese on Tuesday night... worst item: California Roll. *sigh* It's been an uphill battle getting back to the level of dedication I had a couple months ago, but I will get there.

I went to the acupuncturist yesterday morning and it felt awesome. I really liked Dr. Roth and she went to the same acupuncture school that I had went to years ago (but she graduated like a decade before I attended)... what are the odds! It was so relaxing and my arms and legs even felt like they were heavier to move... like everything was just soooooo loose and relaxed. Amazing. I have an herbal formula extract that I'm taking to "regulate liver qi" and "remove damp heat" and perhaps some other things. So far, nothing bad except a slight headache today... but I slept better last night than I had for months. The best part? My insurance covers acupuncture!

I'm up late right now because I'm waiting for my good friend & college roommate to get to my house. She's driving up from LA tonight to spend the weekend with me. I am so excited! :)

Fixated and Irate

My ob/gyn prescribed Clomid for me based on the data that I've been dutifully tracking, another round of blood tests, and my long history (6 years) of PCOS. She has significant reservations that I am dropping any quality little eggs at all. :( The Clomid will block estrogen receptors in the brain so the body secretes more of it and other hormones essential to a healthy menstrual cycle. I started it in December and there was a drastic improvement in a few things. For instance, I stopped having epic 2-3 weeks of insaaaaaane PMS symptoms. I had like 2 days of symptoms and they were barely anything! Yay!

The down side? I take the pills from cycle days 3-7... which is during my period... and it shortens my already short fuse to non-existent status and raises my fiery temper to volcanic new heights. I think next month I may do everyone, and my career longevity, a favor and lock myself inside my home on the worse days... Sorry, Will.

I totally snapped at a friend at work... and even though she said it wasn't that bad... I KNOW it was bad because of the way I felt during and after the episode. My heart was beating fast, breathing went short and shallow, and I got fixated and irate. ... and afterwards I felt so guilty. Another friend at work likes to get me worked up for amusement. I usually handle it better, but I almost lost it today. I am on a precipice and I have to tread carefully.

I struggled with intense depression, anxiety, and PTSD through my teens & twenties, and this medication seems to be putting me into a bad emotional state for 5 days out of the month. It's hard for me to see my way out of it, even if it's only momentary.

I talked to my desk neighbor at work today about some of my feelings and issues, and he asked me if I would go see a counselor again. And I responded that... at some point, I've talked to everyone about everything and heard all the tips, tricks, and techniques. I just need to walk the walk.

So... I've dug up my Checklist of Cognitive Distortions that I worked on with my last therapist. I use to possess 7 out of 10 on the list... I'll let you postulate which ones.

1) All-Or-Nothing Thinking
2) Over Generalization
3) Mental Filter
4) Discounting The Positives
5) Jumping to Conclusions
6) Magnification or Minimization
7) Emotional Reasoning
8) SHOULD Statements
9) Labeling
10) Personalization and Blame

Now that I've written them here, I can always pull up this post at work to check myself and make sure I haven't fallen back into bad habits.

So, my mission is to make sure I focus on the mental/emotional aspect of my health during those 5 days. In the equation of "eating, moving, and relaxing my way to good health," I can't ignore one leg of the tripod. Lucky for me, today is Day 5, so I will most likely feel like a million bucks when I wake up tomorrow morning. Good night.

My Special Eyes

I've always had dry eyes, but they were manageable with some diligent attention... I switched to audible to give my eyes a rest while still indulging my reading appetite, I keep eye drops at work, in my purse, and in my car, I have overnight gel for sleeping, I have special glare protection on my computer glasses, and I keep the humidifier running at night. Wow, what an arsenal it appears to be when listed out like that.

Apparently, dry eye issues are yet another ridiculous complication of PCOS. So, even with all those preventative steps... I've been feeling pain, stinging, itching, watering, graininess, and general weirdness... mostly in my left eye. So, I went to the optometrist to see what's wrong and get some new computer glasses. My vision is still great after Lasik eye surgery, and nothing was wrong with my eyes.

Fast forward a week or so... things are getting worse. People at work are noticing that my left eye is like crying. Awkward. So, I finally went to the ophthalmologist today... and he thinks that the issues with my eye(s) may be a side effect of my medication. He sees a lot of patients on Metformin (which I take for insulin resistance & correlative treatment of PCOS) because that is a common drug prescribed for treatment of diabetes, and diabetes can cause any number of complications with the eyes and vision. Interestingly enough, my dosage was just increased from 500mg to 1000mg last month. Spot on, doc!

In an effort to alleviate some of the discomfort, I was given a whole ton of samples for Refresh Advanced single-day use vials... and they gave me a bunch of coupons to buy more at the store. It may feel better than what I've been using because it doesn't have any preservatives, which could be aggravating the problem. It should all last me about a month until I go back for a follow-up. I hope this is the solution to my eye problems!

On another note, sometimes when you're down... something unexpected is just waiting around the river bend, ready to pick you back up! My best friend asked if I got a package in the mail - I told her I'd check after work. I just thought she was sending me her daughter's school pictures. Turns out she sent me an early Christmas present and a little mini pick-me-up package!!

I can't wait for the weekend to come so I can curl up on the couch with some steaming hot, relaxing, and calming loose leaf tea... steeping in my "manatea" infuser! And then I can dig into part two of the Sailor Moon manga box set... it's seriously like unfinished business from my childhood, haha. And I'm reunited with one of my favorite movies, Horton Hears a Who! :)

See, I don't even remember that my eyes bug me anymore... YAY!!!!

Past & Future

I've been irregular my whole life, and then I was placed on birth control (bc) pills by my college health center physician at the age of 18. Five years later, I got off the pill and discovered that I only had periods about 3 times per year. I was officially diagnosed with PCOS a short while later through blood tests and ultrasounds. I was then placed on and off bc pills, 6-12 months at a time, in multiple attempts to regulate my menstrual cycles.

You all know the last straw that prompted me to go to an endocrinologist last year - as listed in The Beginning. After 6 months of bc pills, spironolactone (to reduce testosterone levels), and metformin (to regulate insulin sensitivity)... my doc said it was time to get off the bc pills to see if I would start having cycles again. I also had to stop the spironolactone because that medication causes birth defects, so my endocrinologist does not prescribe it unless it's taken concurrently with bc pills. I totally agree with that, better to be safe!

My body's first attempt was pretty weak... a 96 day cycle. Hey, better than 8 months!

The second occurrence was an improvement... 43 days! Less than 2 months and like HALF of the previous one... ya! Once again - progress, not perfection. I'll take it.

This most recent cycle... 41 days! Oh, man. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

So, looking forward, what does this all mean? It means that I kind of do and kind of don't know how long my cycles will be or when I will ovulate. Historically, that's never really been a concern except for general charting purposes to let my ob/gyn know how things are going. However, I've turned the page to a new chapter in my life - we'll be trying to conceive! That's the official term - it's all over the internet... TTC. Seriously, google it.

During the past year & a half, my husband and I had some serious conversations about children, our marriage, and the future, when I went through the grittiest parts of the PCOS symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment plan. I think the conversations were also deeply impacted by the fact that he lost his own father last year, and it made him reflect about what fatherhood and family meant to him. We came to realizations and revelations together that we never imagined we would come to 7 years ago when we first met... 5 years ago when we got engaged... or even 2 years ago when we got married.

This feels strange even to myself. I'd never felt the calling for motherhood, even up until fairly recently. I really think it's because I've always been hormonally abnormal and maybe my testosterone/estrogen dysfunction affected me on physical, mental, and emotional levels. Who really knows... and who really cares.

I'm also lucky enough to have strong support from family and friends... who are all such great resources of experience, advice, and levity. In fact, my best friend made sure I bought pre-natal vitamins with DHA so that I can get all prepared to grow a baby with a big brain. I was just introduced to the "sperm meets egg" baby making plan for maximum chances of success. But... most important of all, stay relaxed, right? LOL

So, this really is the first big leap of faith we've ever taken together that neither one of us had ever planned for or know anything about! We're walking off our beaten path and leaving the map behind... eeek! I'm excited and giddy because it's a big adventure. But, of course, I'm worried and doubtful because I don't trust my own body's ability to have a baby. But, I'm ready to take it on.

Go Away, Mittelschmerz

A little bit of middle school reproductive health education. In the middle of the cycle, the follicles inside our ovaries will mature and one eventually ruptures as the little ovum, or egg, makes its way down the fallopian tube. Straightforward, simple... unless you have PCOS.

I am on day 19 of my cycle... and experienced what is commonly known as ovulation pains. You may also know it as mittelschmerz, which is German for "middle pain," referring to the mid-way point in a woman's cycle when ovulation takes place. You feel it in the way low abdominal and pelvic area. Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) and Luteinizing Hormone (LH) prompt those little follicles to grow and mature... and there are no openings in the ovary, so the little eggs literally erupt and break free. That's pretty violent and seems pretty inefficient.

A person with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, as the name implies, have multiple cysts on the ovaries because numerous follicles never mature all the way. What's left are the little bubbles of immature follicles, they collect fluids and sometimes have little blood vessels and keep growing. Anyway, as nothing is simple in the reproductive process for someone with PCOS, these cysts will also spontaneously burst sometimes. The first time one of these cysts exploded, I thought I had appendicitis and went to the hospital. I was told about the whole process described above in nutshell. The second time it happened... it was pretty mild. I took some ibuprofen and went about my business. Fast forward to late last night.

I went to the grocery store to get some items to prepare for my work week... and in the middle of the produce section, I felt the initial twinge. I wasn't sure... I thought I took a wrong step, maybe just an intestinal cramp? Then, I doubled over. I took a step, grabbed the cart handle, and crouched to the floor. It was awful for like 5 seconds... then it was over. I experimentally walked around gingerly... counted my good fortune that I wasn't incapacitated by pain and quickly grabbed the rest of my stuff and went home.

Later in the evening... the weird abdominal bloating and persistent achy pain set in on the right side (it's always the right side, can I just get one ovary removed?) - which turns into stabby pain whenever I took a step or twisted funny. I put my trusty heating pad on my tummy and sipped hot tea into the wee hours of morning. I woke up when my alarm went off, and drifted in and out of some strange lucid dreaming... I felt physically, mentally, and emotionally awful. I finally dragged my butt out of bed, emailed my work, and crawled back under the blankets with my heating pad.

These days, I try to to take too much ibuprofen, acetaminophen, or any other over-the-counter pain medications... not out of some crazy moral stance or funky science/non-science article... I just figured, if I can't feel progress, how will I know I'm making any? I've decided that my health is top priority in my life at this moment, and I am in a fortunate position where I can make that choice. So, if I'm not feeling well and I need the time and space for my body to heal, I'm going to let it do its thing and not mask the bad feelings and truck on with my day.

The pain was pretty manageable earlier today, I took the opportunity to go on a slow walk with the doggies... not sure that was a bright idea. I feel really exhausted, uncomfortable, and a little feverish. I took my temperature, I don't actually have a high temperature... I just feel that way. My husband brought home a can of chicken noodle soup out of love and concern. You bet I ate the soup... ate every carb-o-licious noodle. Today, I let myself indulge.

Just another fabulous day of living with PCOS. *sigh*

A Sweet Treat

I had a rough day. According to my menstrual cycle tracker and my ob/gyn, today should be the start date of my period. It hasn't come yet - but I feel all the symptoms, and then some.

I am experiencing some intense fatigue. I hesitate to tell people that I'm feeling fatigued anymore, because the common misconception is that I'm just tired. I'm not TIRED... I'm not hitting a mid-day slump. This is different and comes in many forms. Many people do associate fatigue with physical exhaustion, but fatigue can also show itself as depression or the inability to concentrate. In fact, a lack of energy can decrease your ability to function physically, mentally, or emotionally. But, yes, I do feel completely exhausted.

Next, the PMS party mix of symptoms: back pain, headache, breast tenderness, cramp-iness, bloating, and the lovely *blah* emotion - you know, that feeling when you wake up and think to yourself, what's the point? and then proceed to crawl back into a mental hole, hoping to stop life from happening there. I dreaded going to work - thinking that I couldn't face my teammates. I thought: Why bother, they don't even like me... they're so annoying... they won't understand... they're just going to be all positive and tell me to feel better... I can't sit through any meetings! Um, these are the same lovely people I invite over to my home, eat with, get drunk with, watch movies with, walk to taco trucks with, sing karaoke with, bare my soul to...! Obviously, I was afflicted with some serious blues. Although, that last part was true... I ditched every single one of my meetings today. It felt great.

All of the symptoms are so intense. That is also a curse of PCOS. In fact, sometimes women with PCOS are diagnosed with PMDD  - Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder - which is extended, and sometimes disabling, PMS. Which, of course, can be true, but if the diagnosis ends there without testing for PCOS, that woman can suffer forever and just blame it on the wrong disorder. When my hormones were regulated by birth control pills, I never had symptoms like this. The most would be some back pain with a headache... and sometimes light cramps. Every time I experience a non-hormone induced/regulated period - it's like the world is ending. And what's worse is that... I don't know what's not working right, but it will just drag on for days.

Aside from the PMS horror show, today marked a successful first week in The No Fun Food Life. With the exception of 1/2 cup of brown rice/millet/barley, 4 croutons, and 2 pieces of spiral pasta... I had refrained from indulging in sugars, carbs, and starches. It was no easy feat... but I am proud of myself.

Since I woke up feeling so extra crappy - I made a little pact with myself. If I could make it through the day and manage to not hunt down 15 brownies and inhale them all... I would treat myself. I stuck it out through the day, and went over to a hip little cafe after work. I ordered a large chamomile tea and 2 macarons: almond and raspberry. Oh boy, did I savor them. I took little bites and chewed very slowly. I think it took me ten minutes to consume the two tiny little delicate desserts. They tasted heavenly. *ahhhhhhhh*

I'm glad that I rewarded myself and, if anything, I feel like it has reinforced my dedication. I can indulge responsibly. And... I deserved it! Here's to another successful week! :)

Cartoon & Cereal Day

The break rooms at my work are usually stocked with fairly nutritiously mindful cereals: Kashi whole grain varieties, other whole grain and bran flakes, and... the highly coveted... Honey Nut Cheerios. Seriously, people hoard the Honey Nut Cheerios on their desks and in their drawers.

What you see on the left is a for realz whiteboard announcement. My work is always coming up with fun-filled themed days to boost morale and reinforce our culture. Cartoon & Cereal Day? All of our favorite childhood cereals?? People loved it! They were going bonkers for it! Random people were walking around shouting at each other, Hey! Did you see all the "good stuff," "sugary stuff," "real cereal," etc. over there?

What was music to most of my coworkers' ears was like nails on a chalkboard for me. There I was... days into my new No Fun Food Life and all the crème de la crème of crunchy breakfast goodness were on full display, pushed by the excited masses, and free for the endless taking. Lucky enough for me, I have been weaned off of my childhood addiction to commercial cereals for years now.

The refined, simple carbs saturated with sugar or high fructose corn syrup that we dutifully shoveled into our faces as children has no place in the diet of a woman afflicted with PCOS.

Simple carbs are easy carbs - easily processed and absorbed into your bloodstream, that is. All of the energy is absorbed immediately - turning into a quick and temporary rush - causing your blood sugar to spike and then crash. Adding sugar into the mix will just increase the intensity exponentially. It'll send your blood glucose and insulin levels on a wild swing within a very short amount of time.

Whenever I take the simple carbs + sugar roller coaster ride, this is how I feel: Delighted, Jazzed, Satiated, Full, Guilty, Thirsty, Tired, Hungry, Grumpy (listed in the order of their appearance). Think about the times when you were hungry and you ate a glazed doughnut, a fruity danish, a chocolate muffin, some pancakes and syrup - and nothing else - did you feel the effects of the roller coaster? Take that roller coaster frequently and long enough... your brain and pancreas will stop communicating correctly.

Women with PCOS already experience communication problems between their brains, pancreas, and ovaries. We don't need to contribute to the problem. There were many who were ready to call me a hater because I didn't embrace Cartoon & Cereal Day - "... but cereal is part of a complete breakfast!" "... they're fortified with vitamins and stuff!" "... you're supposed to eat the most calories at breakfast anyway so you have all day to burn it off!" But as my doc had pointed out - I don't have a nutrition problem, I don't have an eating problem... I have PCOS.

Don't get me wrong. I know we all need carbohydrates and sugars to live and, in their many forms, they are in everything. They're in fruits, vegetables, and even dairy products. The glucose/insulin swing can be moderated by the presence of the fiber and protein found in a balanced meal - it'll soften the blow and provide your body a longer-sustained and more stable energy.

Whole fruits and vegetables have the natural carbohydrates, sugars, and starches that we want and need to eat, and they are neatly prepackaged with fiber intact. So, add a handful of nuts, a glass of soy/almond milk, or a hard boiled egg, and there goes your complete meal for breakfast.

The Eye-Opener

Just a short story about this turning point in my mindset. In my life, really. After being told to embark on my No Fun Food Life by the doc, I got in the car and called my husband. I had been busy. I had a dentist appointment that morning. I went into work on my day off for an important meeting. Now, it's almost dinner time - and I had nothing at home. We agreed to eat Thai food. I didn't think twice. A new lifestyle? That's on tomorrow's To-Do List.

It had been raining all day. I live in Las Vegas and we have summertime thunderstorms during monsoon season. I went to a local bomb-dot-com Thai restaurant and picked up our respective fave dishes. I got him the spicy noodles with chicken. I got the Panang Curry with duck. Time to go home and eat my final fun-filled supper.

I took the on-ramp to the freeway at a very low speed... about 20-25mph, maybe? I'm in the right lane, negotiating a right-hand curve at a slight decline. I was maybe a quarter way through the on-ramp when I felt the back end of my Toyota Camry fishtail to the left. I began to slide just a teeny tiny bit. I thought to myself - Don't Panic. Don't stomp on the brakes. That's the worst thing you can do.

I'm really proud of myself because I didn't stomp on the brakes. I just let go of the gas pedal and thought I could maybe sail back into traction... Unfortunately, it didn't happen that way. I began sliding into the next lane. I know there are cars behind me in both lanes... whether they were paying attention and avoided me, or they were just far enough away, I'm never going to recall. I realized that I was going to slide off the on-ramp on the far side! That side had a steep gravel embankment. I didn't want to fall down on that side.

At that moment... I decided to take action. I was done sliding and waiting for the traction that didn't come. I lightly tapped on the brake pedal to test out what exactly would happen. And yes, the tales are true. I quickly went into a tight spinning circle. I let go and tried to maneuver the steering wheel to just kind of go with the spin... and all the while I just gently tapped on the break like... every second or so. *NOTE: Time does act very funny when you're in a situation like this*

I spun around maybe 1 full circle... and I went back towards the right side of the on-ramp. That side had a shoulder that went into flat gravel... so it didn't scare me very much. I was hoping to go into it so I could stop. Another half circle... and my car stopped. I must have finally stomped on the brake. I turned on the hazards and turned off the radio.

I just sat there watching the cars drive past me. I'm mostly off the lane so I'm not obstructing traffic. I did think to myself - Geez, really? Nobody's going to stop and see if I'm ok? I got over it. I mean... I was going very, very slow when it all happened. It probably looked like no big deal to the other drivers.

I had a few options. I figured I could call AAA, but... nothing seemed wrong with my car - I just lost control. I could call my husband... but send him out to the crazy slick roads and do what? Come get me? Leave my car there? Call my friends and vent or feel better... but then I'll just be a roadside hazard and probably get worked up again reliving the whole thing. I checked my breathing, my pulse, and my general sanity. I felt fine. I was already over it.

I waited for the on-ramp red light... at which time the cars stopped getting on... and I let go of the brakes, applied some gas tentatively, everything felt ok, and turned myself around to get on the freeway. I got home ok - and the food was still hot.

Here are my post-traumatic, 20/20 hindsight, dig-way-deep reflections. I almost died because of my poor food choices. NO! JUST KIDDING!



More seriously... I realized that this was a perfect metaphor for life. Sometimes, it rains. Life can be full of beautiful, wonderful, miraculous things that feel as warm and radiant as the sun itself. However, things happen. Life happens. It just rains sometimes... and the road you're on is slick and dangerous. The traction gets ripped out from under you and you're left spinning out of control. But when you're done watching the blurry world whiz by - maybe when the spinning somehow slows down a bit or you take that moment of fear, courage, or pure survival instinct to act. You are choosing to take back the control. You can stop.

How you stop is not always your choice. Where you stop can seem even scarier than the spinning! However, when it all comes to a halt... you can get back on the road. Knowing there are people who would've come to the rescue, people who would've cared if I called, or roadside assistance that I pay for in case of emergencies... that helped. I was the only person inside that car... but I was not alone.


That's pretty much exactly how I feel about what I need to do now to get my health back on track. I'm done spinning and it is NOT on tomorrow's To-Do-List. It started 3 days ago - and I'm proud that I've been on the road for those 3 days.

I've recently witnessed life raining heavily on a close friend and a close family member. Their stories, hardships, and courage really inspire me. They inspire me to love deeper and to grow wiser. Above all, they show me what it means to dare to hold on tighter to the hopes and dreams that keep slipping just past our fingertips. Even though our roads are all different... I feel the road to any recovery is the same. I wish for them strength, love, and peace to see them through the dark and gloomy days. But I hope that they also know they are never alone... and the sun will shine again.

The Beginning

This week marks the beginning of a massive lifestyle change. I was told by my doctor to eat my way to good health... No sugar. No carbs. No starches. Not like, eat brown rice instead of white rice. More like, don't eat any rice. It's not forever, it's until I can become PCOS symptom-free. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is a common endocrine (or hormone-related) disorder that affect many women of reproductive age.

Symptoms include infrequent, absent, or prolonged menstrual periods, excess hair growth, acne, and obesity. Everyone's experienced one of the above at some time or another. While it may not mean you have PCOS... if you have it, you will know because you will read the first sentence in this paragraph and then multiply the intensity and duration by 20x. That's how it feels. I gained 25lb in 5 months with no diet, activity, or lifestyle change. I got a face full of purple painful acne, random facial & body hair, and I went 8 months without a menstrual period. My testosterone level was sky-high.

The exact cause of PCOS is unknown. Early diagnosis and treatment along with weight loss may reduce the risk of long-term complications, such as type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and infertility. And probably general unhappiness and low self-esteem caused by all the awful symptoms, right?

Complications
- High blood pressure
- Cholesterol and lipid abnormalities, such as elevated triglycerides or low high-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol, the "good" cholesterol
- Metabolic syndrome
- Nonalcoholic steatohepatitis — a severe liver inflammation caused by fat accumulation in the liver
- Infertility
- Sleep apnea
- Depression and anxiety
- Abnormal uterine bleeding
- Cancer of the uterine lining (endometrial cancer), caused by exposure to continuous high levels of estrogen
- Gestational diabetes or pregnancy-induced high blood pressure

Anyway, I'm just writing this down to announce my renewed dedication to getting healthy. The possible complications of prolonged exposure to the hormonal, physical, and mental effects of PCOS are quietly scaring me out of my socks on a subconscious level. I need to take back my health and move on with my life. I just turned 30 this year and I want the prime years of my life to feel like it. My husband and I are ready to begin the next chapter of our life and this disorder... syndrome... disease... will not dictate my life.

I'm ready to explore how to navigate daily life with an overhaul of the following components: eating, moving, and relaxing. :)