Past & Future

I've been irregular my whole life, and then I was placed on birth control (bc) pills by my college health center physician at the age of 18. Five years later, I got off the pill and discovered that I only had periods about 3 times per year. I was officially diagnosed with PCOS a short while later through blood tests and ultrasounds. I was then placed on and off bc pills, 6-12 months at a time, in multiple attempts to regulate my menstrual cycles.

You all know the last straw that prompted me to go to an endocrinologist last year - as listed in The Beginning. After 6 months of bc pills, spironolactone (to reduce testosterone levels), and metformin (to regulate insulin sensitivity)... my doc said it was time to get off the bc pills to see if I would start having cycles again. I also had to stop the spironolactone because that medication causes birth defects, so my endocrinologist does not prescribe it unless it's taken concurrently with bc pills. I totally agree with that, better to be safe!

My body's first attempt was pretty weak... a 96 day cycle. Hey, better than 8 months!

The second occurrence was an improvement... 43 days! Less than 2 months and like HALF of the previous one... ya! Once again - progress, not perfection. I'll take it.

This most recent cycle... 41 days! Oh, man. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

So, looking forward, what does this all mean? It means that I kind of do and kind of don't know how long my cycles will be or when I will ovulate. Historically, that's never really been a concern except for general charting purposes to let my ob/gyn know how things are going. However, I've turned the page to a new chapter in my life - we'll be trying to conceive! That's the official term - it's all over the internet... TTC. Seriously, google it.

During the past year & a half, my husband and I had some serious conversations about children, our marriage, and the future, when I went through the grittiest parts of the PCOS symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment plan. I think the conversations were also deeply impacted by the fact that he lost his own father last year, and it made him reflect about what fatherhood and family meant to him. We came to realizations and revelations together that we never imagined we would come to 7 years ago when we first met... 5 years ago when we got engaged... or even 2 years ago when we got married.

This feels strange even to myself. I'd never felt the calling for motherhood, even up until fairly recently. I really think it's because I've always been hormonally abnormal and maybe my testosterone/estrogen dysfunction affected me on physical, mental, and emotional levels. Who really knows... and who really cares.

I'm also lucky enough to have strong support from family and friends... who are all such great resources of experience, advice, and levity. In fact, my best friend made sure I bought pre-natal vitamins with DHA so that I can get all prepared to grow a baby with a big brain. I was just introduced to the "sperm meets egg" baby making plan for maximum chances of success. But... most important of all, stay relaxed, right? LOL

So, this really is the first big leap of faith we've ever taken together that neither one of us had ever planned for or know anything about! We're walking off our beaten path and leaving the map behind... eeek! I'm excited and giddy because it's a big adventure. But, of course, I'm worried and doubtful because I don't trust my own body's ability to have a baby. But, I'm ready to take it on.